Everybody Sit Down and Take a Breath

I know I can't be the only person that is exhausted after the past few weeks. Tishrei is non-stop action every year. I know it's coming, I remember it from last year, but it always seems to surprise me how active it gets around here.

First just the number of times we're going to shul. I love going to shul, but I never realized how much time it takes when you have to go. This year with Rosh HaShanah starting on a Wednesday evening provided us with a very busy schedule. Between the Holidays and our regular weekly activities of Sunday Religious school I think we almost moved into the shul.

In a period of twenty-six days I was at shul about thirty times (more or less). During this same amount of time any other month I'd be there about twelve to fifteen times. But it wasn't so much how many times we were in the seats but how busy we were this year. This was the first year that I have been really involved in our Men's Club and also the first year I seem to been involved so much in the "goings-on" at shul.

When it was over I was sitting at home relaxing, wondering if there was some forgotten service I should be attending on Columbus Day and I realized that all the times we were there, the Rabbi was there. Not only was he there, he was working his tail off. I am truly amazed at how much he has to do and put up with every week in general, but the High Holy Days have to be insane for him. We can't be paying him near enough. So this year I applaud you Rabbi, thanks for all the hard work you and the staff do every day to keep this place going. Sit a spell, take a load off and if at all possible take a vacation, you deserve it.

Smoking, it can kill 'ya!

Yes, I confess, I am a smoker. I wish I weren’t. I've tried to quit, and will try again, but for now I am a smoker. I try to be polite about my smoking. I don't smoke near anyone (except other smokers), I never smoke where children can see me, and I always feel guilty when I smoke. Plus I don't smoke on Shabbat or Yom Tov. Granted sometimes I'm making a break for the smokes as soon as I can after Havdalah some nights, but for the most part I can make it a day with no problem.

Today, as I casually glanced at my calendar to make sure all preparations had been made for the High Holy Days, it finally hit me; Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. When we start Rosh HaShanah on Wednesday night I won't be able to smoke again until Saturday night (approximately 7:30-7:45pm) and Sunday is the Fast of Gedalia from Sunrise to Sunset so no smoking then. And then I start thinking about how stupid it is to go the Ten Days of Repentance asking HaShem to seal my name in the Book of Life while I'm smoking a cigarette, so I could, theoretically go from the evening of September 12 until the evening of September 22, smoke free (and somewhat more guilt free than usual), at which point I may as well quit entirely.

Then again Sukkot will be just around the corner and smoking near a Sukkah can be a very dangerous prospect, so there could be eight more days...

Maybe I should check on the patch and see how that works.

Any way in case anyone is actually reading my blog nowadays, L'shana Tova everyone! May this be a sweet new year for us all!

Four Orphans, Four Stories

People who know me know that I still like comics. Yes, I'm one of those weird thirtysomethings that reads comic books. Recently I started thinking about four tragic stories that come to us from the pages of these books. Superman, Batman, Spiderman and Martian Manhunter. All four lost their families and all four have these tragic events lead them to become heroes. I have taken these stories and rated them on "sadness" or "tragedy". From least to worst, in my humble opinion:

1. Superman. We all know the classic tale of a "strange visitor from another planet". Baby Kal-El was placed in a rocket ship by his father and sent to Earth to escape the destruction of his home planet of Krypton. He was found and adopted by a loving couple that raised him on their small Kansas farm where he learns to be a good upstanding man and soon to be a super man. I list him as the least tragic of the four because although he lost his parents (and entire world for that matter), this happened while he was an infant. He was raised by a loving couple as their own and didn't realize where he came from until he was much older. In some versions of the story the Kents also die, but again much later in his life.

2. Spiderman. Peter Parker lost both parents when he too was an infant, and was taken in by an elderly couple, his uncle and aunt. Again, much like baby Kal-El, he was raised as their own in a loving home. He really doesn't experience tragedy until Uncle Ben is killed (because of Peter's inaction) and then moves on to become a hero. It seems most of the tragedy in Pete's life comes after gaining his powers.

3. Batman. Another classic DC hero. On the way home from the movies with his parents little Bruce gets to witness his parents gunned down in front of him when he's only eight years old (in the original tale his mother dies of a heart attack from witnessing the father's shooting, but either way they both die). He is fully aware of the two people he loves the most having their lives ended in front of him by a petty thief. This of course leads him to come to spend the rest of his life avenging their deaths by taking down an endless supply of criminals.

4. Martian Manhunter. J'onn J'onzz is, in my opinion, the most tragic of the comic book superheroes. Much like Superman he lost his entire world, except J'onn was an adult when it happened. I can't imagine not only losing my family and everyone that I love, but everybody I know or could have known. Yes, Mars is still there, unlike Krypton, but its a dead planet. It just sits there reminding him of all the death. Every NASA mission to find life on Mars shoves it into his face that everyone he ever cared about is gone.

So what do we learn from this? Hold tight to the ones you love and let them know how much you love them often, because you never know when you might become America's next superhero.

On Philadelphia and Other Moments

This year marked the first time in the history of our family that we took an actual family vacation. It was the first (and possibly only) time that we all went somewhere together (since the arrival of the youngest two), and the first time we went somewhere just to go somewhere. No loving relatives waiting on the other end, no friends from the past or present. We packed up the vehicles and drove to Philadelphia.

The drive up was relatively uneventful, just a couple missed exits over a six hour drive is not bad compared to some of our trips. One strong word of warning for anyone taking exit 22 from I-95 North trying to get to Christopher Columbus Boulevard, watch what lane you are in and what you are doing or you will unexpectedly find yourself in lovely Camden, New Jersey by way of the Ben Franklin Bridge and paying a $3 toll to get back into Philly.

Next word of advice, try to become somewhat familiar with public transportation of the city before you arrive. Having a working knowledge of the SEPTA would have saved many blocks of unnecessary walking through some interesting neighborhoods.

The "King Tut and the Golden Age of the Pharaohs" exhibit at the Franklin Institute was somewhat of a let down for me. I have honestly been waiting more than thirty years to see Tut. I remember reading about it in National Geographic when it was here way back in the 70's and when I heard it would be back I wanted to see it (or possible wait until I am in my late sixties or travel to Mitzrayim to see it). This was not the exact exhibit that toured the US back then, but many pieces were very interesting. Don't get me wrong it was a great exhibit with many beautiful pieces, but much like my experience of waiting sixteen years between "Return of the Jedi" and "Phantom Menace" nothing could live up to my expectations.

I was surprised to see a stone carving of Pharaoh Amenhotep IV (aka Akhenaten) and family praising the sun disc of Aten. It was amazing how clean the cuts and polished the stone appeared. I had seen photographs of this carving in the past while reading about the history of monotheism and the theories of a connection between Amenhotep and Moshe, but to see up close something I had seen on History channel was pretty cool. The radically different style of representing faces of statues during the Amenhotep period was also very interesting.

One thing I didn't enjoy, and I'm not sure if this is a common practice a big exhibits, was that the tour dumped out into the King Tut/Egypt Gift shop. A lovely little place packed full of people buying stuffed mini-pharaohs and getting their names in hieroglyphics engraved on gold fobs. You could also purchase a replica of Dr. Zahi Hawass' field hat for forty-five bucks, but I decided to pass. All-in-all I enjoyed the exhibit and thought it was very interesting. Our oldest (One-of-Five) was very interested as he has had a significant interest in archeology for the past decade or so.

We stopped in Logan Square (or Logan Circle, depending on who you ask) and let the kids play around the Swann fountain as we adults took the opportunity to sit on the benches and rest our feet. As we continued back towards our hotel my son noticed flags lining the Benjamin Franklin Parkway and then noticed what appeared to be the flags of the U.S., Israel, and Mexico flying in front of the Cathedral of Sts. Peter and Paul. I was unable to ascertain the purpose of flying those three particular flags there (if anyone knows, let me know). I saw the Holocaust memorial and realized that I was standing in the exact same spot that I was standing exactly seven years earlier when I first visited Philly for Fleet Week 2000.

Day two involved the standard tourist view of Philly. We parked close to the Historic district and walked to Independence Hall. During our tour of which we had a bit of an incident. As we were touring the Hall, the twins started to become a little unruly. I took one and worked my way to the back of the crowd and the wife was getting the other twin and following. During this one of the other guests approached us and asked if we could leave "for the rest of us". What irked me the most about this was that we were already leaving. Goodness gracious it must have taken real courage to approach the people already leaving and ask them to leave. I wonder if it made him feel like a hero when he walked back to his wife a say, "Yeah I got them to leave"? In any event I was already frustrated, had a three year old crawling up my head with claws fully extended and really didn't have time to deal with another moron. I made eye contact and said something like, "Yeah, buddy we're looking for a way out now, so back off" in a very grouchy tone (and possibly including more profanity and at a little higher volume than I would normally deem appropriate for the situation).

The rest of Day Two went without too much incident. I would recommend if you ever visit a city that provides Ride the Duck tours, take the tour. We were able to close out our trip back taking a fun-filled ride through the city's historic district. The tour guide pointed out many sites throughout the area that we had completely missed on our walking through the city.

Well I'm sure that many things from our trip were left out, but I haven't posted in a long while and it took a couple days just to type all of this up.

Hey, Whadya Read?

I was looking at my daily blog roll this morning and started thinking about why I read who I read. Hirhurim is actually the reason I found the Jewish Blogosphere to begin with. I "met" Gil Student online years ago when my wife (who wasn't my wife at the time) had started her conversion process (after about a year of me trying to talk her out of it). She found an online community on the Delphi Forums and introduced me to online Judaism. After my time in the military I lost contact with the folks on those forums as my life was in a state of upheaval, but one day I logged in and started posting with folks, trying to see what had been happening to everyone in the three or four years since I had written to them last. That's when another friend of mine sent me a link to Gil's new "blog".

Hirhurim is definitely the deep end of the pool for me. I'm always interested in what he has to say, but I don't always understand it. From there I started looking around for more Jewish blogs. That's when I discovered that JewFAQ had an associated blog called "Jewish in a Gentile World". We had used JewFAQ many times in the past for research as we added new rituals and observance into our home and it was a nice resource. As I scanned around blogger I found a couple links to "Dry Bones" by Yaakov Kirschen. I had read Dry Bones for years in other online sources, but now I had a steady source.

As I continued to search around I ran into the others from various links in blogs I would read or searches I would make. I found "On the Fringe - Al Tzitzit" by Shira Salamone while searching for a Conservative viewpoint. From there I found links referenced in various posts that took me to such exciting places as Orthomom, Psychotoddler, and Seraphic Secret. Seraphic Secret brought back old memories when I finally realized that the blog was posted by Robert J. Avrech who wrote one of my favorite movies from a very tough time in my life.

I was living in the Deep South and feeling very alien and alone when "A Stranger Among Us" came out. It was something Jewish to grasp onto and connect with (even if it wasn't my flavor of Judaism at the time). When I went to boot camp three years later, it was one of the movies we watched on Sunday mornings during our chapel time. Just to explain that one, we had our primary services on base on Friday evenings, but then on Sunday mornings since everyone else would be in their religious services we would meet again and daven Shacharit and then spend the rest of the time watching a movie with a Jewish theme and discuss it. The movies ranged from the "Fievel" movies to "Gentleman's Agreement" and it was a great time.

So several of my links have a long personal history to them and some of them I've only recently found and enjoy reading every morning. But I always keep an eye open for new blogs to add to the list and either get a new viewpoint or find someone I agree with.

I Hate my Job

I really hate my job. Honestly. I lay in bed every morning and dread going to work. Some days the only reason I get out of bed is to daven. If you've ever seen the movie "Office Space" you've seen more or less my situation at work. Except he had a much nicer work environment than I do, and a higher job satisfaction than I could ever hope to achieve.

We were discussing this sad situation in the parent's lounge while we waited for our kids to finish Sunday Religious School last week. I was asked what I liked to do, and I had to answer, "Not much". How do I want to spend my days? I would like to be able to go to minyan everyday, go to synagogue and spend time with my family. That is it. My only hopes of ever reaching this Nirvana-like experience is to someday win the lotto or retire. I really don't want to wait to be able to afford to retire as that may take another fifty years or so and I don't think I have that kinda time.

So I buy "Mega-Millions" tickets. When the jackpot gets really high I'm tempted to start bargaining with the Almighty. Here's the deal, if I win several hundred million dollars we both win. Automatically He gets ten percent right off the top, pre-tax dollars. Then with the rest of it I will take care of my family. How? Well the younger kids will be switched to the Hebrew Academy immediately, Camp Ramah every summer, and have the best Jewish education money can buy. Plus we would start a few foundations to teach the children the importance of tzedakah and helping the community. Next, I wouldn't have to work anymore, so I could fill my days going to minyan (we always need more people to show up) and working on the shul's website and just puttering around helping out where I can. I wouldn't even want any plaques with my name on them.

But I'm sure this kind of bargaining with the Supreme is wrong on several levels, so I don't even try. But I'm probably in trouble just for thinking it out this much.

 But I still buy tickets, and if I win...

Virginia Tech

I sat in my office and watched as the events of yesterday morning unfolded on the news and could do nothing. We all just watched as CNN, Fox, and MSNBC reported and we were all shocked as the death toll kept going up.

Panic struck me as the toll went into the twenties, do any of our kids from shul attend V-Tech? I could only think of one young man for sure that attended. He had just returned from a year in Iraq and we all thought he was finally safe. Now this. We got word from his family this morning that he is safe and wasn't hurt. I felt relieved, but then I felt guilty for feeling that way, knowing what 32 other families had lost.

Our hearts and prayers go out to the victims of this atrocity and their families.

Pesach Passes Once Again

Once again we’ve survived living without Hametz for an unbearable week, or at least to hear my kids talk that is what just happened. I don’t see the big deal, but of course I love macaroons and the only time they show up in our pantry are during Pesach. Strangely macaroons are one of the only Pesach supplies that we always run out of early.

The community Seder was interesting. Apparently the other Conservative shul in town decided not to have one and many of our members decided not to attend ours. Net result was that when we arrived probably 65-70% of the attendees were from the other shul or non-affiliated. Without doubt the part of the evening I enjoyed least was OPC—Other People’s Children. Granted I grew up in a very strict home where punishment was quick and severe for any disruptive behaviour in public and you were removed from the situation at the first sign of disruption to be “realigned”. I fully understand that we live in a kinder gentler world now, and kids are no longer soundly beaten for just doing what kids do, but there has to be a limit. And to make matters worse, it only takes one wild child to set off all of them. They seem to feed off each other’s energy and the destructive force they can deliver is almost Biblical in nature. I’m not asking people to beat their kids (as a once abused child myself, I didn’t care for it then or now) but I am asking that people do more than stand across the room, hands at their side in a calm voice saying:

“Sarah, stop pulling the curtains,"
"Sarah, stop pulling the curtains,"
"Sarah, stop pulling the curtains,"
"Sarah, stop pulling the curtains, daddy doesn’t want to have to replace another set,"
"Sarah, stop pulling the curtains,"
"Sarah, stop pulling the curtains...”

And repeating this for what seemed to be fifteen minutes. Obviously what you are doing is not working, please try something else.

But we survived, more or less, and moved on. Did I mention I love macaroons? I do, it’s my peaceful place.

Son One shocked me after the Seder by informing me he would be getting up early the next morning and going with me to services. I say I was shocked primarily because Son One is NOT a morning person and generally has to be dragged out of bed every morning for school or synagogue. But he was up, showered and dressed before I was and actually participated in services. I was very proud of him as he had the honor to return the Second Torah to the Ark. I was then shocked even more when he did the same thing again for the second day of services and this time was honored by removing the first Torah from the Ark and leading the procession. Such nachas from one who at times is such a hard-headed son.

Son Two had his birthday Sunday, which is always interesting. We always try to have his birthday early so he can have cake but this year we had a lovely hametz free chocolate cake that tasted surprisingly good. Much better than the ones I’ve had in the past. I spent most of the day trying to find a specific video game for him and when I didn’t find it had to deal with the fact that I’m one of the worst fathers in the history of fatherhood. Yeah, right. My grandmother always told us that you “pay for your raising” and explained that all the torment you provide your parents while growing up will be returned to you via your own children. Son Two’s kids and I will someday have a long talk about this.

Did I mention macaroons?

Chag Kasher V’Sameach

The house is abuzz with final cleaning preparations. I have just finished using this wonderful pressure steam tool to clean the remainder of the kitchen (always the last place we clean). And I have to tell you it is a miracle device. I wish I had one of these things years ago. All I did was fill the tank with cold water, plug it up and wait for the water to heat up. When it did I press a button and hot steam under pressure comes blasting out the nozzle (with brush attachment included) and it cleans EVERYTHING! There were stains on the counter that have been there for months that nothing else would take off and this thing just vaporized them. But wait, what about the hood over the stove? That greasy mess just wiped away (along with some of the paint that I hope no one notices to be missing)! And what about the corners, you may ask? Got a tool for that too!

Okay, I may have started having fun at one point, but either way the kitchen is now clean and I’m going to bed, so I’ll just wish everyone a Chag Kasher V’Sameach.

Poker Night

In following with my attempts to expand my social network and participate in more Men’s Club events, I attended last night’s Men’s Club Texas Hold ‘em Qualifying game thingy. There were only five of us but it was really nice just hanging out with the guys and playing poker. Even nicer was the fact that I won!

I am many things, but a poker player is not one of them. I fully believe in beginner’s luck now. Granted I didn’t win anything other than bragging rights and a seat at the finals, but I finally won something. And I got to hang out and drink soda and stay up late.

Geez, I’m a real dork. I need to get out more.

Haircut Day

Today was the Twins' Upsherin. Honestly some days it seemed like this day would never get here.

Although the boys looked cute enough when their hair was pulled up into little puffs, I had long since grown tired of explaining to people that they were little boys (yes, both of them; yes, I know their hair is long; yes, they are adorable; no, we’re just waiting until they are three…) and I’m sure that their Mother and Grandma were well past tired of having to comb it out every day to keep it from becoming a tangled mess.

Due to the miracle of mixing my Scot-Irish genetics with their mother's African ones the kids have a really beautiful type of hair that is totally unlike anything either of our families are familiar with, and oddly enough except for the twins, no two of them have a hair texture that is identical to the others. Son One is has dark thick curls that look more Hispanic than anything else, while Son Two’s looks are as African as his mother’s, Daughter has this mass of dark brown curls that turns to this odd Shirley Temple-like collection of curls when freshly washed and then the Twins have this light-brown, tightly curled, angry hair.

So, in any event, the big day finally arrived. We gathered our friends and family in the Temple library and had the first Upsherin our Conservative shul has ever had. Ironically this is also the same room that the Twins' came to for their bris. I told the rabbi the next big shul event for the Twins shouldn’t include any kind of cutting or they might think there was a pattern forming and try to avoid the place.

My little men are growing up so fast. They amaze me at how different they are from each other and other times how much the same they are.

Blood Drive

Today was our big blood drive with the American Red Cross. While the blood drive was going on I helped put together our shul’s new sandbox for the playground. I would have liked to have given blood, but due to some of the countries I visited while on Active Duty I can no longer give blood.

This disappoints me more than you would think. Before I joined the military I gave blood every time I was able to do so. I remember when I got my little gold pin for giving my first gallon. I still have it locked away in a box somewhere, but now I don’t like looking at it. It just reminds me that I can no longer give. Giving blood was the one thing that I could do for free and help so many others.

So I built a sandbox.

Of Sinners and Saints

Being of Scot-Irish descent I grew up in a home where St. Patrick’s Day was a major holiday. As I came into my Jewishness I gave up the major Christian holidays right away and with little or no thought. Christmas and Easter were easy to give up as I had waned in my observance of them years before and had got them out of my system so to speak. The two holidays that caused the most problems for me were St. Valentine’s Day and St. Patrick’s Day.

From early in my dating career I tried explaining to potential significant others that as a Jew I could not in good faith celebrate a day that commemorated a Christian saint. Most were fine with this idea, but a few came to the first February 14th I didn’t buy anything and the problems would arise. No chocolate, no jewelry, nothing. We would go through the usual rounds about St. Valentine’s Day being a secular holiday and it being “Valentine’s Day” instead of “St. Valentine’s Day," but I wasn’t going for it. I had heard the same arguments for Christmas and to some extent Easter early on in my Judaism and I applied the same reasoning to not celebrating those dates. As a rule I do not commemorate Christian holidays for any reason, no matter how secular the day has become. No Christmas, no Easter, no Halloween, and no Valentine, period.

Then, in one of those rare convergences of the Hebrew calendar and the Civil calendar, more rare than Hanukkah and Christmas aligning, more rare than Pesach on Easter, in 2003 St. Patrick’s Day (17 March) was the same day as Taanit Ester (the Fast of Esther) and Purim started at Sunset! My two cultures were merging into one festive alcohol laden event. Needless to say my date was upset when she found that I had even noticed that the two days coincided (and would not again do so until 2049). Years of being depraved of chocolate and precious gems in February turned this lovely woman into a Banshee. How dare I even think of drinking a drop that night?

“What” she asked me, “is the difference between the two? You won’t celebrate Valentine’s because of its tenuous Christian connection, so what is the difference?”

I had but one answer,

“Beer”

Careful Which Meetings You Attend

My family have been members of our Temple for almost seven years now and in all of this time I have never joined any of the clubs or committees. The kids' mother has been a member of the Sisterhood since just about day one, but due to work commitments and exhaustion I just never participated in anything other than the regular religious services.

This year I decided to make a change. This would be the year that I finally joined the Men’s Club and started building my own social network at the shul instead of depending upon my daughter’s circles of friends. So I took the Daughter to Sunday Religious School and attended the morning minyan as I do each week and met up with the Men’s Club President afterwards. I told him about being a member of the shul for several years, etc. etc. and by the end of the meeting I had not only joined the Men’s Club, but I was also appointed Secretary of the Men's Club and invited to make inputs on the Sukkah project and join in on the sandbox project.

After the meeting I came to realize that the wives and mothers are the real political power at our shul. None of our projects interfere with theirs, none of our fund raisers can interfere with theirs, and we tend to move heavy things for them. Okay, fine by me. So nothing has really changed but now I get to pay membership dues.

Superman Attends Megillah Reading

Purim was especially fun for me this year as it was the first year we have been able to attend as a family since my time in the Navy and the arrival of the twins just a few years ago. In times past I’ve been away from home and missed out on many of the holidays so this makes any time I get to spend with the kids more special to me. This year Son One and Son Two (influenced I’m sure by advertisements for “The 300”) went dressed as a Spartan and a Persian, the Daughter went as Hadassah, and the Twins were both Superman. When they are a little older, I will try to explain the Jewish connection to Superman and how Siegel and Shuster were sons of Jewish immigrants and how they based the story of young Kal-L on Moshe being put in the basket to save his life.

This year we had an early service for the younger kids, which I think was a great idea over what we’ve had in the past. It was nothing too formal (if any thing about Purim can be considered formal). Rabbi, in his trench coat and fedora, holding an impromptu microphone was giving interviews to costumed visitors in his role as reporter for the Shushan Times.

At one point we rolled out the Megillah and all the parents held it up down the middle aisle as Rabbi read from it (paraphrasing into age-appropriate English). As he was reading Twin #1 saw the two rows of grown-ups holding the scroll between us and started striding down the middle as if he was a king (or Lord Vader) with his cape gently billowing behind. Twin #2, however, spent this time jumping off the step to the bima. At the end of the young children’s service the kids' mother took the twins home and I stayed with the older kids at shul and we sat through the actual Megillah reading. I was surprised that Son One stayed with me throughout the entire service instead of needing to “go to the bathroom” (which years ago I deciphered to mean “hang with his friends in the atrium”). Son Two, though, decided he needed to “use the bathroom” early on and was mortified that I had the gall to come out to the atrium and remind him where he needed to be.

Tents and Ladders

When I first starting looking into the Conservative Movement with my wife and going to conversion classes with her our rabbi made the analogy of observance being like a ladder. Over time you could take on a new observance and take another step up the ladder. Slowly over time you would become more observant and not burn out by trying to take on too much at one time. Since then I’ve heard this analogy made by others and I have heard the idea behind it expressed in different ways. Whether it be “baby-steps” or “one step at a time”, or “small bites” it seems to be a plausible way to get to a goal that seems overwhelming without becoming overwhelmed.

As time went on I began hearing and reading about the idea of a “big tent”. Somehow the Conservative Movement would produce policies and accept decisions that would create a “big tent” under which Jews with diverse beliefs, interpretations, and practices would find shelter and Conservative shuls would serve as the catch-all synagogues for those with beliefs in the grey area between Orthodox and Reform. In my opinion, this has created one of the greatest problems for Conservative Judaism. We almost invariably describe ourselves as in-between Orthodox and Reform, or by what we are not, instead of defining what we are. Judging by the CJLS decisions and the various practices of Conservative shul I have visited there is no clear consensus as to what we are or what we believe. Emet ve-Emunah presents a nice statement of the principles of faith for the Conservative Movement, but even there much room is left for interpretation.

I read with interest many posts and articles concerning the Cohen Report on the JTS survey concerning the recent CJLS teshuvot on same-sex unions and gay ordination. I was really interested in the results of the survey regarding Observance of Shabbat and Kashrut. Actually, I was shocked by some of the results. The survey focused on Clergy (Rabbis and Cantors), Professional Leaders (educators, executive directors, etc), and Lay Leaders (congregational presidents, USCJ board members, congregational board members, etc).

Within any religion it seems that the clergy and leadership will always be somewhat more observant than the laity, but it seems in Conservative Judaism there is a wider gap (almost a chasm) than with other branches of Judaism. While the Cohen report does not address the observance of the membership[1] it does address the ritual observance of the clergy and leadership.

It shows that a large number of respondents don’t believe Torah was written by God or by Divine inspiration. A quarter of the rabbis responded that Conservative Judaism should stop pretending it is a halakhic movement. And the responses concerning Kashrut are even more surprising. After reading the report I am surprised anyone in the movement considers Conservative Judaism to be halakhic. When I talk to lay members of synagogues I visit and self acknowledging Conservative Jews I am consistently surprised at how many consider themselves to be “good Jews” and leading a halakhic life while ignoring some of the most basic rules of halakha.

I am nowhere near perfect, nor am I anywhere close to where I want to be in my level of observance, but I recognize that I am not living up to the standards set by HaShem at Sinai and that everyday I wake up trying to do better.

I guess I have to change my position and acknowledge that without serious reforms Conservative Judaism cannot survive much longer. I can see no way for the movement to continue forward while it tries to apply the “big tent” principle to faith. Either the Conservative Movement needs to accept that it cannot accommodate every possible belief and interpretation or accept that it can no longer claim to be a halakhic movement.

I had a discussion with a gentleman at morning minyan last week about halakha and personal observance. He said he felt he was more than Conservative but less than Orthodox. I guess in some ways I agree. I just feel Conservative Judaism could be a viable alternative to Orthodoxy if it would just draw a line in the sand and say this far and no more. Yes, we would lose members; yes, some shuls would have to close, but Judaism would continue and eventually shuls would start to grow again and with a membership that was educated and observant.

Perhaps we need another Ezra to stand up and lay down the law, so-to-speak.

---

[1] see “Jewish Identity and Religious Commitment: The North American Study of Conservative Synagogues and Their Members, 1995-1996” edited by Jack Wertheimer for an excellent discussion about this observance gap.

Six Could Get You Four...

While reading the recent Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) teshuvot on the Halakhic Status of Gay Men and Lesbians and the associated survey, one thing really got my attention; they were teshuvot, not teshuvah. I was reminded of the old joke, “two Jews- three opinions” but in this case I guess it would be, “one Movement- three opinions”. As I spent my Tuesday night curled up with my laptop and notepad reading the teshuvot and the survey, I realized in essence the CJLS was saying “Yes, no, and maybe” all at the same time.

After reading all of the hoopla in the press about how the Conservative movement had embraced its homosexual membership and moving toward more tolerance and diversity, I was now finding out not much had really changed. By the same number of votes the CJLS had passed a teshuvah upholding the traditional prohibitions against homosexual acts. I was a little confused and decided I needed to learn a little more about the CJLS.

The Conservative Movement’s Rabbinical Assembly (RA) founded the CJLS in 1927. Currently the Committee is composed of 25 rabbis and 5 lay members. Only the rabbis act as voting members, while the lay members participate only participate in deliberations.

When any six or more members vote in favor of a position that position becomes the Committee’s official position. As you math lovers out there may have noticed, six is not a majority out of twenty-five. So the Committee can end up with multiple positions, sometimes up to four, and sometimes almost opposing positions (and in some cases members will vote for multiple positions.

During my online readings and research I was able to find several lists of these Responsa produced by the CJLS, but I was unable to discover a comprehensive list. Apparently there isn’t a big book (or collection of books) that contains all of the Responsa.

I came across one Responsa from February of 1993 titled, “ A Principled Defense of the Current Structure and Status of the CJLS” which basically addresses the issue of whether the CJLS should even exist or exist in its current form. I, for one, agree that there should be a central Law Committee that serves to handle Halakhic questions for the Rabbinical Assembly, but I’m not entirely sure that I agree with the current method of making decisions. And I am more concerned that it seems some of the teshuvot seem to be influenced by public opinion.

It seems that, according to the Cohen Report, a large percentage of respondents to the JTS Survey agree with me on that point. On page 34 we see the results of the question, “Do you feel the decisions were an accommodation to political correctness?” 41% of Clergy, 43% of Professional Leaders and 49% of Lay Leaders agree.

This is not how Halakha works. Halakha is not decided by public opinion or political correctness, it is decided by Torah. Believing that, however, seems to put me in the minority of Conservative Jews. Some days it starts to feel like I was “sold a bill of goods” in regards to joining a Conservative synagogue.

When I read from “Emet Ve-Emunah”, which supposedly puts to print the principles of Judaism for the Conservative Movement I felt that I had found where I should be. From the Wikipedia article on Conservative Judaism (taken from Emet Ve-Emunah):

“The principles of Conservative Judaism include:

• A “dedication to Halakha… [as a] guide for our lives”;

• A deliberately non-fundamentalist teaching of Jewish principles of faith;

• A positive attitude toward modern culture; and,

• An acceptance of both traditional rabbinic modes of study and modern scholarship and critical text study when considering Jewish religious texts.”

I was in agreement. I read Maimonides Thirteen Principles of Faith and I agreed with what he said. Now I wonder if we should present the above principles and the Thirteen Principles in survey form and see what the clergy and membership agree and disagree with. I’m afraid I would be more saddened than surprised with the results.

I will address Halakha and observance in the Conservative Movement on Sunday and then I promise I’ll stop beating this dead horse (at least for now).

Much ado about something...

After I restarted this blog last week, I considered the possible things I could do that would help ensure both you and I would maintain at least a passing interest in this blog's continued existence. One way to improve the blog would come from my reading as much as I could everyday. Whether it be from newspapers, online news, novels, magazines, or online blogs, I would need to keep up-to-date on subjects that matter to me if I was going to have anything to express my opinion about or have discussions with you. Well I assure you that over the past four days my reading intake has spiked upward.

While surfing around the Jewish Blogosphere lately, it became readily apparent that the recent Jewish Theological Seminary (JTS) Survey of Conservative Judaism's clergy and lay-leadership was a topic under heavy discussion. To misquote the Trilogy, "Many electrons died to bring us this information."

The teshuvot on the Halakhic Status of Gay Men and Lesbians caused a great deal of discussion on their own in December, but now it seems the JTS survey addressing these teshuvot is causing a stir as well. I've lost count of the various blog entries that link back to one or more of the articles appearing on The Jewish Week website that address various points raised in the survey.

Anything causing this much discussion warranted a closer look. Like everyone else, I read the online articles with interest and took note of the opinions expressed by the writers. I decided to do something that I’m not sure many of my fellow bloggers had done, I went to the sources. It took a little searching but I found the survey and the teshuvot in electronic form and took them home to read. I spent my entire night focused on these documents (okay, except for a brief break between 9 and 10 EST to watch “House”). I realized: 1) my eyes really hurt and I need to wear my reading glasses as prescribed, and 2) I am really surprised that more hasn’t been written about the JTS Survey. It brings up much more than just the Gay and Lesbian issue. So I decided to address some of the points brought up by the articles on “The Jewish Week” site and also some of the points in the survey that I think are interesting and warrant discussion.

I feel, however, trying to jam all of this into one post would be a little ridiculous. So, in order to address these points to my satisfaction, and to present them in a manner that hopefully will be easier to read, I am going to be writing about them over the next few days. You can consider today’s post to be an introduction and background for the upcoming posts.

Conservative Judaism Doomed? The Answer May Surprise You!

On December 6, 2006, the Conservative Movement’ Committee on Jewish Law and Standards (CJLS) announced their decision addressing the issues of the ordination of Gay and Lesbian Rabbis and the performance of same-sex commitment ceremonies by Conservative Rabbis.

I first became aware of this ‘issue’ over the summer when I read about the CJLS decision to postpone the decision until later in the year. It is definitely a divisive issue that should not and could not be taken lightly. Even before reading about Conservative Judaism’s decision to address this issue, I had already formed some strong opinions on the issue of “gay marriage” and same-sex unions.

It has been my understanding that Judaism, in general, is much more tolerant of homosexuality than many other religions. According to Halacha, if I understand correctly, you can be gay, have gay thoughts and fantasies all day long and not be in violation of Halacha. It is only when you act on these feelings that violations occur. And even then, I’m personally not going to be judgmental of you for those actions. Considering how many violations of Halacha are being committed by your fellow congregants (me included) with regards to Shabbat observance, Kashrut, and daily observance, I cannot judge your life without considering myself to be a huge hypocrite.

I read an article from The Jewish Week titled “The End of Conservative Judaism” written by Michael J. Broyde. Since my earliest experiences with Conservative Judaism, at least once a year (if not more) I read or hear about the end of Conservative Judaism. After a while it starts to sound a lot like, “Apple Computers is going bankrupt and will be out of business soon”, but they’ve been going out of business for the past 20 years apparently yet my stock seems to be doing okay, so I’ll keep it just a little longer.

But this article was a little different and I think it was due to the subject matter addressed. Will the recent CJLS decision on allowing gay and lesbian ordinations and same-sex commitment ceremonies spell the end of Conservative Judaism in the long run? Will Judaism in the United States evolve into two primary groups, Liberal and Traditional? These are very good questions and he makes several good points in the article.

I have always thought of the Conservative Movement as the “third bowl of porridge”, not too hot, not too cold, but just right (for me anyway). Broyde says in the second paragraph:

The truth is that there is a grand divide in the Jewish community worldwide between two groups: those who think that Jewish law (halacha) is really, truly, binding and those who do not. This division is both religiously and culturally important — it reflects a basic worldview about what being Jewish really means. Throughout the world, other than in the United States, this distinction formed the basic denominational divide and one could well understand the need for almost a schism over this issue.

I don’t agree with the idea of there only being two ways of looking at this issue. I don’t think that this is an issue of on/off, black/white, or right/wrong. Conservative Judaism was created to fill that grey area. I truly believe there is a need to view Halacha through a modern lens. Times do change and our interpretations of Torah and Talmud do have to be adjusted to some degree. For instance, I disagree with several Orthodox understandings of Halacha and feel that these understandings go too far and prevent people from enjoying Judaism. At the same time I disagree with many of the Reform Movement’s understandings of Halacha and feel that they are too loose with their interpretations and this too prevents people from fully enjoying the benefits of Judaism. And so I am left with the Conservative Movement. Until recently, that is. I believe there is a limit to how far we can stretch this “modern lens” notion before we just lose all focus of what we are trying to see through that lens.

Perhaps, in the long run, it will spell the end of the Conservative movement as we know it today, but I think there will always be some movement to fill that middle ground between Reform (Liberal) and Orthodox (Traditional).

Regardless of what I think, or what you think, it’s a good article and worth the read.

Hattip: Hirhurim, but I'm sure plenty of others are posting about this by now.

Just Who Do I Think I Am?

My name is Binyamin and I am a Jew. I did not grow up in a Jewish home, but for the past 18 years I have been on a journey into Judaism. It started out almost as a joke, but it has turned into a life long quest. Just when I think I've read all that I can read, or my observance has gone as far as I can take it, I take another step. I've realized that it will always be this way, but I also realize this is one of the primary reasons I keep looking to take that next step on this journey.

I grew up in the Deep South in what I can only now consider severe poverty. I firmly believe without Jim Kirk, Fred Rogers and the United States Navy I would be some half-educated Appalachian-American Hillbilly working in a dead end job today. Television was my window to the world. It showed me that there was a bigger world out there than anyone in my simple family could ever comprehend. I saw different races and cultures and wanted to meet them. I saw distant lands and ancient ruins and wanted to visit them. I saw people with lifetimes of learning and experience and I want to be like them. So I left home and spent ten years in the Navy.

I am currently member of a wonderful Conservative Synagogue that I do not attend nearly as much as I would like, that I do not support as much as I would like, and that I do not participate in as much as I would like. Someday, I'd like to be President of the Temple (or at least one of my kids to be) but that's a long term goal.

I live with the thought that I will never be Jewish enough and my children and their children will always be considered not Jewish enough by their peers. Due to my very Scots/Irish last name it is always obvious that we don't have the same background as the families we go to shul with. It always frustrates me that my one of my best friends will always be accepted in a shul due to his name and his "look" while I have to endure questions about my mother and who in my family was Jewish. Ironically it wasn't until he met me that he started showing any interest in Judaism, and is still about as secular as you can get.

I have five wonderful children. I want to give them the Jewish childhood that I didn't have, and I feel an immense amount of pain and guilt every time I miss an opportunity to do so. I will always love my children. They are the only family I have left in this world and I won't give that up. So I will struggle to make sure the kids go to Hebrew school and stay connected to the Jewish community, with the hope and prayer that I will have Jewish grandchildren someday. I am too much of a realist to overlook the statistics and know that odds are my children will marry "out" and that only through providing them with a connection to Judaism now will I have any chance of seeing Jewish grandchildren and being called Zeide. Some days I wonder who, if anyone at all, will say Kaddish for me. But then some days I see that Jewish spark in my children's eyes that reassures me that someone will.

So that's my story. It's not the whole story by far, and maybe overtime I'll post more about it, but I want to take time here to post about my day, good or bad. I want to talk about things I wonder about, things I have learned and things I want to learn. I want a place to vent and a place to celebrate. And, like most Jews, I want to be part of a community (online or otherwise). I read several Jewish blogs everyday, and I've attempted to start one on several occasions. Maybe this will be the one that sticks, maybe it won't. It's all up to me and how dedicated to this I become.

I have always felt the need to write, and I have kept scores of journals and logs (‘cause macho dudes like me don't keep diaries) but it has never been a consistent thing. I've always been critical of my ability to write and felt inferior when I read what others write. But maybe through the shield of Internet-anonymity I can feel free to write, good or bad, and grow as a writer (and hopefully as a person).