This year has been a year of renewal for me. I have taken on the challenge of becoming more observant in my Judaism this year, but that wasn't necessarily my going in option in January. In my last post I discussed how I decided to start wearing my kippah every day. I know years ago when I was first attempting to be more observant one of the things that kept coming up was that kippot were not Biblically mandated but tzitzit and tefillin were and that it was better to take up the obligation of tefillin than just a kippah. It had been a long time since I had laid tefillin regularly.
My tallit bag holding my tallit and tefillin had been on the bookshelf in the bedroom for a couple of years. It would get moved occasionally when we needed space for something. Each time I moved it I would feel the pang of guilt that I should be going to synagogue each week or, at the minimum, I should be using my tallit and tefillin every morning and praying.
As we approached Pesach the urge to lay tefillin was growing stronger with each morning. It was almost as if they were calling to me. Finally, the Sunday morning before Pesach, I took my tallit bag and siddur downstairs to daven shacharit. Unfortunately it had been almost 8 years since I had taken my tefillin out of the bag. As I unrolled them I could hear the black paint cracking and peeling off the retzuot and batim. I thought I had kept them safe over the years but apparently the humid summers here combined with being tightly wound and stored away was too much for them.
It was a shame see them in such shape. I remember how hard it was to save up the money for such a basic set back in February 2001. They were the cheapest set available from the "Source for Everything Jewish" catalog but they were like gold to me when I got them. I remember struggling to get the shel rosh knot adjusted to fit my head, and having to adjust the shel yad knot to accommodate my being left-handed. I remember feeling so self-conscious the first few times I wore them to morning minyan at shul. I was terrified that someone would point out I was doing something wrong. And I remember the horror I felt the first morning someone told me I was wrapping the wrong arm (I wasn't, he just didn't know I was a leftie).
For eight years I was consistent with laying tefillin each morning. Some mornings were more difficult than others, especially when I was still in the Navy. I have laid tefillin around the world and in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I remember having to get really good calculating zemanim to adjust for my location. Thankfully the U.S. Navy was very keen on keeping up with sunrise and sunset.
It felt like a punch to the gut to see them like this and to think that I had let them get to this state. I immediately went online and started researching a new set. I finally settled on a pair that were within my budget but also very nice. I ordered two new tefillin bags, one for the new set and one for the old set. They had always be stored in one of my tallit bags but now I felt everyone should have their own. I decided that I wouldn't get rid of the old pair but instead I would set them aside and someday have them repaired. Perhaps when the tefillin set is repaired and once again certified kosher, I will pass them down to a child or grandchild.
The new set of tefillin arrived on the second evening of Pesach and the first day I could use them would be the first day of Chol HaMoed. I spent the evening looking up the rules of tefillin and making sure I was okay to daven with them on Chol HaMoed. I also spent a good amount of time looking up how to wrap tefillin. It had been so long since my last wrap I had forgotten how. Thankfully Internet is much more fleshed out in 2017 than it was in 2001, and I was able to find instructional videos for many, many wrapping styles. Granted, finding the finger wrap for me was a bit difficult and I recall finding out how to do that was tough the first time as well.
So now I have a new set of tefillin. The retzuot are still stiff and dig into my arm each morning. Some mornings I forget to put them on, some mornings I rush out the door and feel guilty that I didn't wear them. Most mornings I feel like I'm doing "Jewish" wrong and I'm skipping a prayer I should be saying or saying a prayer I should be skipping. But I'm spending time online learning more about tefillin than I've ever known before. I may even dedicate a post or two and share some of what I've learned.
The next big step is returning to shul. Remember when I took out my tallit and tefillin that Sunday before Pesach? There was something else in the bag. It was a program from Shabbat services. The week's parsha was va'eira and the year was 2009. The following Sunday morning when I went back to daven and pick up my tallit bag is the last confirmed time I was in the shul. So I need to make some phone calls and re-establish some lines of communication. But I guess that will be another blog post.
My tallit bag holding my tallit and tefillin had been on the bookshelf in the bedroom for a couple of years. It would get moved occasionally when we needed space for something. Each time I moved it I would feel the pang of guilt that I should be going to synagogue each week or, at the minimum, I should be using my tallit and tefillin every morning and praying.
As we approached Pesach the urge to lay tefillin was growing stronger with each morning. It was almost as if they were calling to me. Finally, the Sunday morning before Pesach, I took my tallit bag and siddur downstairs to daven shacharit. Unfortunately it had been almost 8 years since I had taken my tefillin out of the bag. As I unrolled them I could hear the black paint cracking and peeling off the retzuot and batim. I thought I had kept them safe over the years but apparently the humid summers here combined with being tightly wound and stored away was too much for them.
It was a shame see them in such shape. I remember how hard it was to save up the money for such a basic set back in February 2001. They were the cheapest set available from the "Source for Everything Jewish" catalog but they were like gold to me when I got them. I remember struggling to get the shel rosh knot adjusted to fit my head, and having to adjust the shel yad knot to accommodate my being left-handed. I remember feeling so self-conscious the first few times I wore them to morning minyan at shul. I was terrified that someone would point out I was doing something wrong. And I remember the horror I felt the first morning someone told me I was wrapping the wrong arm (I wasn't, he just didn't know I was a leftie).
For eight years I was consistent with laying tefillin each morning. Some mornings were more difficult than others, especially when I was still in the Navy. I have laid tefillin around the world and in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. I remember having to get really good calculating zemanim to adjust for my location. Thankfully the U.S. Navy was very keen on keeping up with sunrise and sunset.
It felt like a punch to the gut to see them like this and to think that I had let them get to this state. I immediately went online and started researching a new set. I finally settled on a pair that were within my budget but also very nice. I ordered two new tefillin bags, one for the new set and one for the old set. They had always be stored in one of my tallit bags but now I felt everyone should have their own. I decided that I wouldn't get rid of the old pair but instead I would set them aside and someday have them repaired. Perhaps when the tefillin set is repaired and once again certified kosher, I will pass them down to a child or grandchild.
The new set of tefillin arrived on the second evening of Pesach and the first day I could use them would be the first day of Chol HaMoed. I spent the evening looking up the rules of tefillin and making sure I was okay to daven with them on Chol HaMoed. I also spent a good amount of time looking up how to wrap tefillin. It had been so long since my last wrap I had forgotten how. Thankfully Internet is much more fleshed out in 2017 than it was in 2001, and I was able to find instructional videos for many, many wrapping styles. Granted, finding the finger wrap for me was a bit difficult and I recall finding out how to do that was tough the first time as well.
So now I have a new set of tefillin. The retzuot are still stiff and dig into my arm each morning. Some mornings I forget to put them on, some mornings I rush out the door and feel guilty that I didn't wear them. Most mornings I feel like I'm doing "Jewish" wrong and I'm skipping a prayer I should be saying or saying a prayer I should be skipping. But I'm spending time online learning more about tefillin than I've ever known before. I may even dedicate a post or two and share some of what I've learned.
The next big step is returning to shul. Remember when I took out my tallit and tefillin that Sunday before Pesach? There was something else in the bag. It was a program from Shabbat services. The week's parsha was va'eira and the year was 2009. The following Sunday morning when I went back to daven and pick up my tallit bag is the last confirmed time I was in the shul. So I need to make some phone calls and re-establish some lines of communication. But I guess that will be another blog post.
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