Too Much Free Time in the Tropics

Okay, I know there are worse things than being stuck in a tropical paradise staying in a four-star resort eating free food and drinking free cocktails. But this is Free to Kvetch and I know if you've read many of my older posts you'll find that I can complain about anything. So here goes.

It's hot, it's humid and I'm not a person that is comfortable in relaxing situations. A couple years ago someone suggested that I use a relaxation CD that helps reduce stress and calm my nerves. I gave it a try and ten minutes into listening I got a nose bleed. Thankfully the nose bleed stressed me out enough to return me to my normally stressed-out self and I was able to get through the situation but I threw the CD away. I can not sit on a chaise lounger next to the pool and relax. It is one of the most uncomfortable situations I can imagine. I hate short pants and only wear tee-shirts as an outer garment when I'm mowing the yard or working outside in the yard. I don't even like to wear jeans.

This has lead to many strange experiences in my life. When I try to dress-down and look relaxed I'm told that I look very uncomfortable and like I'm trying to force myself to relax. Is something wrong with me? Right now I'm sitting on the balcony looking down at a gathering of people relaxing around the pool, laughing and having a good time. The thought of joining them makes me very uneasy. I don't really think it is a psychological disorder like Social Anxiety or General Anxiety Disorder (which I'm sure I have and that just makes me anxious thinking about it). I just don't think I ever learned to relax. On the farm if you had time to relax and lounge around it meant important work wasn't being done. Only rich, lazy people relaxed.

So now I don't live on the farm I have lots of free time and what do I do? Now don't get me wrong, I do not like to work all of the time, as a matter of fact I hate to work. But it's almost like I'm ashamed of myself relaxing in public. I'll lounge around the house and watch TV all day or surf the web reading blogs and webcomics, but I do that in the privacy of my own home where others can't see me.

Maybe their should be relaxation classes that you could take and learn the right way to relax 'cause I don't think I'm doing it right when I try it on my own.

Worlds Away

I'm sitting on the balcony of my room at a very nice hotel/resort/spa that my company has seen fit to locate me in while I await an important meeting. Granted I'm not too keen on traveling this late in the summer. I should be at home working on the house and getting ready for the onslaught of fall holidays.

Reflecting on this past summer is a bit tough. I can't help but feel that I have let things slip a little too much on the Jewish front. I live in the constant fear that I'm not doing enough to ensure our kids get the Jewish education that they need in order to survive in this goyeshe world. What kind of example do we set when we are too tired from work to go to minyan. It's not that tough and for the most part it's only thirty or forty minutes out of the day.

Lots happened this summer. In May we bought a house. It's not a new house, but it's new to us. Everyone finally has a room and things are starting to settle down as we all look around and realize we are home. I keep waiting for that feeling to come to fruition. I come home, but it's not "home" yet. We still have to build memories and traditions at this new house. Almost immediately after closing on the house I was off on travel for the day job and spent most of the summer working away from home. And now as High Holy Days approach I am once again on travel. I'm really growing tired of the travel, but the money I get from doing this jobs is what's making it possible to buy the house that we all love.

As a family we spent exactly zero time at shul from the time we moved until now. It got so bad that the Rabbi actually sent me an e-mail last week to make sure that we were okay and planning to come back. I'm sure things will improve once the school year starts and we get back into the routine of Wednesday Hebrew School, Saturday Junior Congregations and Sunday Religious School. I remember some years that I would feel more at home in my shul than at home. We have close friends at shul but now after taking about three months off and being vacant I wonder how much of a friend they think we are.

My daily observance has waned more than I would like it to be. It seems almost strange to get back into my routine now that I've taken so much time off. And again I wonder what kind of example I'm setting for the kids. Are they thinking, "Being Jewish is cool, as long as it doesn't interfere with whatever else I want to do."? Because that seems to be what's going on now. I have to learn to make a stand in my house. I have to be Gandalf and say "This far and no further! You SHALL NOT PASS!"

As a bright spot this will be the first year that we build a sukkah in the backyard as this is the first year we've ever had a yard. I've been researching sukkah designs and think I've come up with a very workable plan using galvanized brackets from Home Depot, about 20 2x4s and a lot of tree cuttings. It should work out and if it does I'll post pictures.

Another routine I need to reestablish is using my blog. It seems I get fired up about something, post it, and then disappear for a year or so. Maybe I should use Rosh Hashana and rededicate myself to being more active in my shul, blogging regularly and growing as a person. Nah, that sounds a lot like work, and right now I have all the work I can stand.