On Large Hadron Disappointments

Well it's Wednesday and we're all still here. While I was hoping to go in my sleep this morning at 3:30 AM I instead awoke to the screeching of my alarm clock. Yes, I guess deep down I'm glad that the world continues and the Earth wasn't swallowed up in a man-made blackhole of doom, but I'm not sure how I'm going to cover maxing out all three credit cards and telling my boss what I really think yesterday.

Note to self: in the future make sure the world is ending before setting "Plan:Endtimes" in motion...

"Muse"-ings

I sit staring at a blank sheet of bristol. I've done this before. All I have to do is move the pencil in a certain manner and it produces a faint grey line on the paper. After a few moments these lines appear to become pictures of a sort. Soon I go back over these lines with a nib pen dipped in india ink to preserve the ideas formed by these pencil markings for all time. Yet for the past few weeks when I sit at my table I just see a vast blank page that refuses to change.

I seriously don't imagine this to be writer's block, or at least not in its common form. It seems to be more of a fear or dread based blockage. I want to write and draw but then I start thinking about tomorrow and the day after. Will I be able to maintain this, and if so, then for how long? Do I want to start up the comic strip again, I know I won't be able to maintain a daily or even three times a weekly, so why even start.

But I have to start. Something deep inside of me cries out to be expressed. But what is it? I don't have a story to tell, do I? Where do I even begin if I do have a story? Well, I guess there's always the begining but that's lame. Oh well never mind.

See what I have to deal with? It's like this all the time. My mind takes off and while I am not able to think of a good place to start a story, I am able to sit and fabricate a story in my head that has my comic strip leading to the fall of Western Democracy and assorted plagues throughout the undeveloped world. I need an outlet for all of this energy, but all of that potentential energy fails to become kinetic.

So I sit. And I stare. And I never begin again.

My Space

The new house has one feature that sold it to me; an office. The previous owners had converted a two-car garage into a playroom. They had a pool table and some chairs in it and lots of boxes. I saw the room as a potential office and studio for my cartooning. The color scheme is/was horrible and the lighting was deplorable, but it was a separate space just for me. I said early on that I was paying 300 grand for 460 square feet that happened to have a five bedroom house connected to it. They could do as they wished with the house and yard, but that 460 sq. ft. was sacred space reserved for me and they agreed. Immediately upon moving in someone discovered that her desk would fit perfectly in one corner of the space. It would just be that one corner and she needed space to work also. Then little by little the room filed up until now I have a small computer desk in one corner of "my" office.

So tonight I made my stand. Granted it was weeks over due, but I stood up and put the foot down. Everyone has to get out. I don't care where, but with 2200 sq. ft. outside my office door I'm sure they could make do. Now I'm the bad guy. I wonder if I really am the bad guy. I just want an office that I can go to and work or relax. Just my space to be alone in. But judging by everyone's reaction that may be too much to ask.

How does one go about explaining to one's family that while he loves them dearly and would die for each and every one of them, at the same time he would prefer that they get out of his room and find somewhere else to be for an hour or two?

Today was a perfect day to work on my new comic strip project but instead I just sat and watched old episodes of "Battlestar Galactica" on Hulu.com. What was it Brad Guigar said? "Grow up and work if it's important to you" or something like that. Maybe I should work on doing that. But the first step is to claim my space. Plant my flag so to speak.